A Park on Thessia, Wednesday Late Afternoon

[pulseof_life]

Yeul smiled wryly as she walked with Liara through the park nearest to Liara's apartment. It was late afternoon, her portals had gone smoothly, and now she was back on Thessia with nowhere else to be until her classes next week.

"Your mother took my arrival better than I thought she might, given your concerns yesterday about how busy she was keeping you," she said cheerfully. "But she was very polite in greeting me."

Even as they'd been shooed out the door with the strong whiff of 'go play' left unspoken but noticeable.

"I like her."

Polite parents were a rarity in Yeul's experience.

[NFB, for the modded-with-permission one, but also open for phone calls, sure.]

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[fewer_explosions]

"My mother is... very courteous," Liara said. She cast a look out over the fountain. "And graceful."

[pulseof_life]

Yeul tilted her head slightly.

"She seems to be," Yeul agreed, following Liara's gaze. "Is 'graceful' a good quantity to be had by someone who wishes to be liked, though?"

[fewer_explosions]

"It can be, in a culture that considers grace a marker pointing to more positive traits," Liara noted. "The asari value grace highly... and so they flock to my mother."

They'd shuffled her father off-planet for being too crude and to the point, not that she knew this yet.

[pulseof_life]

"Do you think it is a good quality?" Yeul wondered, glancing at Liara.

[fewer_explosions]

"I... think it is not a terrible quality," Liara allowed, "But it is far from the most important one."

[pulseof_life]

"What do you consider to be the most important one?"

Yeul reached out to let the water from the fountain run over her fingers.

[fewer_explosions]

Liara paused for a long moment.

"Wisdom, perhaps," she said. "Knowledge."

[pulseof_life]

Yeul nodded thoughtfully.

"Do you think less of people who do not hold such traits?" she asked. "Or do you distance yourself from them?"

[fewer_explosions]

"It is not my place to judge," Liara said, after another quiet pause for thought. "But there is a reason why I prefer to be... what other asari would see as reclusive."

[pulseof_life]

Yeul smiled.

"I like you the way you are," she said cheerfully.

[fewer_explosions]

"Thank you," Liara said, probably too earnestly for anyone's good. "That is... I am glad to hear it."

[pulseof_life]

"You're welcome," Yeul replied. "It seemed like a thing you might wish to hear."

And it was the truth, which helped.

[fewer_explosions]

"What traits do you favor, Yeul?" Liara asked her quietly.

[pulseof_life]

Yeul blinked, then looked at Liara.

"I do not know," she said, sounding a little puzzled. "I am not certain that holding such a preference would impact me."

[fewer_explosions]

"It is not about the impact," Liara said, walking towards her. "But we all have preferences."

[pulseof_life]

Yeul watched Liara come, her face solemn and her eyes serious.

“Must we?” she asked. "Is there a point to a preference, even if it does not matter?"

[fewer_explosions]

"It is not about utility," Liara said lightly. "It is about identity. You are neutral on many things, Yeul, but you are not a non-person."

[pulseof_life]

"Some lives, I am nearly that," Yeul said quietly. "I do not understand why you wish to know my preferences."

She shrugged slightly, turning her face away from Liara.

"Kindness, I suppose."

[fewer_explosions]

"I wish to know your preferences because you are my friend," Liara said. "Though I did not intend to offend by asking."

[pulseof_life]

"I am not offended," Yeul replied. "It is just something I do not... dwell on."

[fewer_explosions]

"Perhaps you should," Liara said quietly. She reached for Yeul's hands with her own. "If it is you that dies and is born again, over and over, then who you are is what you have, Yeul."

[pulseof_life]

She let Liara take her hands, though she made no move to hold on.

"I cannot argue with you," she said, just as quietly. "Nor do I wish to. But there are lives and lives where who I am is not even my own to have, do you understand? There are lives and lives where Caius does not find me and my... parents..."

Yeul pulled her hands away from Liara. "I do not have parents," she said quietly. "Never. In the lives that Caius does not find me, I do not even try to hold onto myself. If losing fear was protection, so is this. In a good life, I have preferences. In the long run, they do not matter. Not every life is good."

[fewer_explosions]

"No," Liara said quietly, "But you have many."

She dropped her hands. They felt cold now.

"My people teach that you must embrace eternity," she said. "It is consistent, and yet it has an ebb and a flow. We live a long time. We have good years and terrible years." She wrapped her arms around herself to stave off that feeling. "I am not insisting you hold on to some hope that will leave you burned, Yeul. But an eternity of ebb and flow does not erase the core of who we are."

[pulseof_life]

"Eternity doesn't," Yeul said agreeably, reaching for the water of the fountain again. "But time and effort can."

She closed her eyes, then opened them.

"How do you hold onto the core of yourself if you're not sure you want it?" she asked. "Caius dreams of a life where I live fully, then die. That is not my preference. I go along with it, for his sake."

[fewer_explosions]

"Then perhaps that is your preference," Liara said. She watched Yeul's motions closely. "To be whatever many variations on yourself, both terrible and grand."

[pulseof_life]

"No," Yeul said quietly. "That is not my preference."

[fewer_explosions]

Liara leaned onto a fence, overlooking the fountain. "Then what is?" she asked quietly, as well.

[pulseof_life]

Yeul pulled her hands away from the water, letting them drip on her shoes.

"I'm tired," she said, instead. "In the individual life, I look for... happiness, in the futures I see. But overall, I am just tired."

She'd been around a long, long time.

[fewer_explosions]

"You wish to die?" Liara asked.

She did not wish her friend to die, but it was not her state of mind they were discussing.

[pulseof_life]

Yeul blinked, then turned her head and smiled at Liara.

"I don't mean that I wish to take my life," she clarified. "It is just that, one time, when I die, I should like to not wake from it, and be given the chance to remain in Valhalla."

[fewer_explosions]

Liara stepped away from the railing so that she could approach Yeul again. "I hope you get that chance," she said earnestly, "Though I would miss you dearly."

A pause.

"If that is not forward of me to say."

[pulseof_life]

"No," she said, smiling a little more. "It is not too forward. I am unused to the idea of being missed, but I appreciate the sentiment."

Yeul took a deep breath and wiped her hands off on her skirt. "Besides," she said, "I do not wish to enter my final sleep without Caius gaining his freedom as well. He would not fare well without me. It will be a while before that happens, in any future that I've seen."

[fewer_explosions]

Liara nodded.

She took another step closer. "The future will tell, I suppose," she said, staring out at the water. "Yeul?"

[pulseof_life]

"What is it?"

Yeul glanced at Liara from the corner of her eye.

[fewer_explosions]

"I wanted to give you a gift," Liara said slowly, "For being kind enough to visit me here time and again. I have... been thinking about what it should be." She glanced towards Yeul. "May I?"

[pulseof_life]

Confusion touched Yeul's face.

"I would not refuse a gift," she said, "though I do not think I have done anything to merit one."

[fewer_explosions]

"You have been my friend," Liara said quietly, "And a rock, of sorts, even if you do not feel it that way."

She reached for Yeul's hand again. "It is a gift of the mind," she explained, "for a friend of it."

[pulseof_life]

This time, when Liara took her hand, Yeul curled her fingers around Liara's hand in response.

"I am glad to be your friend," Yeul said quietly.

[fewer_explosions]

Liara smiled at her softly.

Then she shut her eyes, reaching back deeply into her own nervous system, a vestige of an old, distant memory. "Embrace eternity," she whispered.

When she opened her eyes again, they were solid black.

Not that it mattered, not that much: she reached out for Yeul's consciousness and gave it a gentle tug, an invitation into her memory.

A quiet memory, made of nothing but silence, blackness, and the distant light of the stars.

[pulseof_life]

It was a strange sensation, Yeul's consciousness being tugged on, because of course there was herself, but there were other Yeuls, both past and future, all connected, who also felt that tug travelling through their minds.

Past-Present-Future were never far from Yeul. They couldn't be, since if you changed the future, you changed the past and those changes would reverberate right through her very existence.

What Liara did didn't hurt, it just echoed and there were, perhaps more voices (but always the same) that paid attention than she'd thought would.

Yeul was not the type to cry. Her tears had dried up a long time ago. But when she stepped away from Liara, she was visibly shaken--and left wordless.

[fewer_explosions]

"Yeul?" Liara said, her voice wavering.

Had she just made a terrible mistake?

[pulseof_life]

"A moment," Yeul said, sounding a bit breathless. "Give us a moment."

She had too many voices--all of them her own--to handle yet another voice, just right that second.

[fewer_explosions]

Liara had to bite down on her lip to keep the apologies from spilling forth. Oh, Goddess.

[pulseof_life]

Yeul pressed one hand to the side of her head and closed her eyes, breathing, and waiting as her mind (minds) settled back down.

When the quiet in the back of her head was more like the usual silence, Yeul opened her eyes again.

And she smiled. "Thank you, Liara. It is a marvelous gift."